People-pleasing woman can't refuse paying off friend's debt despite knowing she spends all her money of luxury items she can't afford: 'My friend has very expensive taste; clothes, dining, travel, etc'

Author image for Emma Saven
Emma Saven
Sep 4, 2025 9:00 AM EDT

The basic rules of friendship are simple: Give and take should be both equal and mutual. For example, paying for your friend to be upgraded to 5-star hotels because she doesn't like the energy of a 4-star, and then lending her $5-10k to get her out of debt, is not a great example of balanced 'give and take'…

Don't get me wrong, she sounds like an amazing friend, who also needs a bit of therapy in people pleasing…We love that she is there for her friend through it all, financial trials and social tribulations. However, there is definitely a line to be drawn, as we are not quite sure who granted her the right to just take, take, take. You cannot be so self-unaware as to ask your financially responsible friend for a loan, and then allow them to buy you unnecessary gifts and luxuries on top of that…If her friend wants a sugar baby, she's certainly at the right place. 

But how naive, could one be not to see that they are being utterly and completely used? It's time to take a deep dive into this friendship and re-evaluate its worth. Because you may look at her and see love, but when she looks at you, all she sees are $$$ signs

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  • Being helpful is an amazing quality that can be utilized in many different ways… Perhaps offer her some budgeting advice or help her look for a better-paying job? If she needs help so badly, watch how closely she hangs around, when the ‘help’ is no longer in the form of Benjamin Franklin's face…

  • 01
    RECEPTION "I even paid for the hotel upgrades with this friend after seeing how sad they were in 4 star hotels"
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02

    AITA my friend needs to borrow 5-10k, but I said no even when I could easily afford to gift the money.

    I don't have kids, or need to buy a house (renting is a better option in my city), and have pretty inexpensive tastes.
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  • 03
    So, even though I'm not rich, I can afford basically everything I want and need in life and save money.
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  • 04
    My friend has very expensive taste; clothes, dining, travel etc. always has to be expensive.
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  • 05
    We've gone on holiday a few times together, and they were overtly depr sed if stayed at anything less than a 5 star hotel.
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  • 06
    I'm not judging them for what makes them happy, just because it's not what makes me happy.
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  • 07
    Anyway, they've curbed the spending habit in an attempt to pay off their debt, but the interest rate is so high that most of their repayments are eaten up instantly.
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  • 08
    5-10k would make their remaining debt interest-free, and I could afford to not be paid back for it.
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  • 09
    However, I've also been in their position before.
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  • 10
    If I had gotten a handout, I would have never learnt how to be financially independent.
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  • 11
    Also, I'm historically a serial enabler.
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  • 12
    I've bailed out friends many times (~10k has never been repaid) just because I can't stand to see anyone struggle like I had to.
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  • 13
    It's chronic, I even paid for the hotel upgrades with this friend after seeing how sad they were in 4 star hotels.
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  • 14
    Cheezburger Image 10549009408
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 15
    Have I just lost touch with the struggle now that I'm privileged, or is it true that helping people in need just enables them to never work harder?
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  • 16
    Euphoric_Travel2541 NTA. You've been very generous but this friend is not struggling. She is just quite spoiled and wants upgrades to luxury level all the time. There is a difference between wanting luxury and needing basic survival resources. I'd help friends with the latter, but not with the former.
    via Euphoric_Travel2541
  • 17
    BookkeeperNo1888 Let's be real here...these are not "people in need" and they don't "need" your $5-10K. If you bail them out, they'll never really learn their lesson.
    via BookkeeperNo1888
  • 18
    dudleymunta Sad in a four star hotel? If you listen closely you can hear the sound of my tiny violin.
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  • 19
    holysmokesiminflames Yta to yourself if you give her the money. She's probably complaining to you hoping for a bail out. Don't let your friends take advantage of you. You can help her by offering to go through her financials with you and help budget???
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  • 20
    Cheezburger Image 10549009664
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  • 21
    3xlduck don't be an enabler. But if you "lend it out" i wouldn't expect re-payment. large loans between friends definitely has the risk of spoiling things.
    via 3xlduck
  • 22
    Miserable_Anything52 NTA, don't lend them the $, say you don't have it or it's in long term investments
    via Miserable_Anything52
  • 23
    oliviamrow NTA. You having money does not mean someone else is entitled to it just because they want it or "need" it.
    via oliviamrow
  • 24
    Maximum_Law801 Seriously, get a grip. Why on earth do you pay for this friends luxury when you don't spend that kind of money on yourself? Is your money yours or hers? Don't enable her, and yta if you keep this up.
    via Maximum_Law801
  • 25
    South_Industry_1953 It is good to help a friend in need, but come on, "being sad in a 4-star hotel" and having a friend pay for an upgrade? That's not a genuine need, that's just taking advantage. NTA.
    via South_Industry_1953

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friendship taking advantage spending luxury hotel interest-rates loans comfortable-financially using friends no-savings debt entitled payback lending money money entitled people
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